12.21.2005

an open letter to the young man with the green coat and bad judgment rubbing up behind me in the subway this morning

Dear dumb-ass young man,
Maybe you're going through a dry spell in your social life. Maybe all your college friends settled in New York, but you wanted to try out Boston because Aunt Susan said she'd keep you well-fed if you moved nearby. Maybe you just got out of prison and the bus dropped you in unfamiliar surroundings with only enough money for a T fare. It's tough meeting new people. The ladies, especially. We can all probably relate.

But really. Is that any reason to press the entire length of your lonely-ass body against mine? Sure, the train was crowded. Sure, that crazy lady and her bags were taking up three seats and you didn't want to risk it and get too close. Fine, you needed to hold on to the pole. But really. I'd like to tell your mamma what you did. With that breath of yours, she'd probably tell you to brush more often--something I can actually get behind.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

is it wrong that i found that exciting? -to avoid this in the future, shy from stringing words like "close..hold..pole..mamma..breath..bush..behind."

jennymcflint said...

Yes, it is wrong. And when exactly did I mention bush? Perhaps you have bush on the brain?